Grandmama, The Noble

What? You don't remember Grandmama? He was in Family Matters (though that link takes you to an NBA commercial that uses that Family Matters footage).

I know it's kind of a strange way to begin the listing of Noble Johnsons. Surely there is some great Johnson out there who has cured some kind of disease, performed some miracle of journalism, saved some lives. And there are. Those Johnsons exist, but for right now, let's focus a moment on why Larry Johnson is a noble Johnson.

First, there's the crossdressing alter-ego used to sell men's athletic shoes. Say that again out loud. Cross dressing alter-ego used to sell shoes. And he's a professional athlete no less. Now cross dressing for comedy or commerce isn't exactly a big deal. You got Flip Wilson, the Pythons, Dame Edna, Eddie Izzard, Devine. Joe Namath wore panty hose, so cross dressing even for athletes wasn't so bizarre by the time Larry strapped on the dress. However, for whatever reason, Larry captivated America for that little bit of time where he was on top.

And let us not forget that Larry also signed the richest contract in NBA history at the time, a 12 year, 84 million dollar deal.

Plus, he did so while wearing a teal uniform, which is quite a feat. What the hell was up with all the teal for teams in the 90s? Every decade has got to have its color mistake, I suppose. 80s had neon-colored stuff. 90s had teal. The 20-aughts had red...

Finally, he made up half of the probably the most dominant two-some in the original NBA Jam game. Seriously, there was no better than the Larry/Alonzo Mourning combo.

But, here's what makes Larry among the noble Johnsons. He was a great man, all over TV wearing women's clothing, selling sneakers, signing the richest contracts around, and now? Where is Larry Johnson?

Precisely.

Johnsons know when to shine, and when to leave the stage. When we are on top, we by God thrive. However, we are not attention whores. We are not desperate to stay relevant. We do not busy ourselves with ex-athlete drama like, say, shooting our chauffeur with a shotgun. We don't desperately try to hang around the sports spotlight by becoming an irritating announcer (I'm looking at you, Rick Sutcliffe.)

Johnsons say thank you. We appreciate our time. We will give you a good show to the best of our ability. But our time is our time until it is no longer our time and then we leave the stage.

So, Larry, unless I'm missing some glaring character flaw or some other embarrassing thing that undoes everything I've just said, Larry, you sir are a noble Johnson. Thank you for serving our surname well.

Johnsodarity!